I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
