On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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