Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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