It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
