This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
