I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
