Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
