Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
