She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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