I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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