I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
not ubering you a puppy
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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