you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
