We're like a lot better than the average bears
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
