You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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