WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
