dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
