...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
