So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
