So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
