dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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