when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
