I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
