Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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