i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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