She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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