she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
