So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
