I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
