I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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