she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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