I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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