Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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