I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
