Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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