Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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