The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let's get the cat blown out
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
