At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
