Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
