i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
