you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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