Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
