He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
