My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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