i may or may not be watching the land before time
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
