My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
