We won't sleep together?
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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