i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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