i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Randomize
