Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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