separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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