wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
