Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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