i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
