That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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