i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
