Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
