It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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